This post has been a few weeks in the making simply because I don’t know how to end it. Perhaps you can help me out with that.
My husband, Viraj, and I had gone to Dubai for a quick trip last month. A long weekend coupled with two days of leave – the perfect recipe for a getaway. To be honest, the city took me by surprise, a very pleasant one FYI. Not that I had any expectations, however I never thought I would like it as much as I did. To a great extent it reminded me of London – a global city. There are people from all over the world. To build a city from a desert! That is some achievement!
One afternoon we decided to go for the highly recommended desert safari. The driver came to pick us up exactly on time. Our co-passengers for the evening were two mother-daughter sets from Singapore. The mothers were sisters and were visiting one of the girls who now lives is Dubai. We didn’t talk much through the journey to the dunes, just some polite conversation about where we were from and our purpose of visit to the city.
After our crazy dune bashing, dinner was at the campsite. The six of us were at one table enjoying the belly dance and other activities that were planned for us. While having dinner, the lady who was sitting next to me asked me very quietly, ‘If you don’t mind, can I ask you something?’
‘Sure.’ I said.
‘How is it like being an Indian woman? I’ve heard women are not allowed to study or work and are often beaten up by their husbands.’
There was complete silence from my end. I had never been asked that question by anyone. Being a ‘modern Indian women, I have had all the freedom to make my own decisions, study as much as I wanted to and even marry the man that I wanted to. I don’t think it is only because of my progressive parents, it is simple because of how we are now.
I tried to be as articulate as well as I could while saying, ‘Umm.. no.. That’s not really true you see. This mostly happens in the less privileged places, but things are changing for the better… umm.. errr…’
‘What about all the rapes?’ She went on, ‘You hear of it all the time!’
Viraj heard the conversation and came to my rescue, also trying to fight the fire. He explained to her that we’re a large country and unfortunate things happen. Things get hyped by the media, etc, etc, etc. However, no matter what we said, we realized that we’re just trying to justify all that has been happening and defend our country and its people. We are one of them after all no matter how hard we tried. Fortunately this conversation didn’t last very long.
This incident really took us by surprise. It made us think about how we, Indians, are perceived globally. No one asked about our successful Mangalyaan mission or how Modi created waves on his trip to the US. Imagine the state of the regular Indian guy because he will be compared to the man who rapes. Is this what people think of us?
You can now imagine my predicament in how I want to conclude this post. While I am extremely proud to be who I am and were I am from, I am embarrassed the state of affairs in the country. One person’s actions have an impact on how people perceive who I am. We no longer belong just to our country. We are now on a global platform. Who we are reflects on every citizen of this country. I am proud to be an Indian, please do not make me wish that I wasn’t.
By writing this post, I want to bring forward an incident that happened to me. I’m sure there are many of you who have been witness to similar situations. Where are we at fault? What can we do to make it better? I don’t have the answers. Perhaps we can brain storm and come up with something that might help so that none of us are subjected to such humiliation. This is your platform. Help me end this post on a positive note.
In this age of 140 characters or less, the headlines are deemed important. Which headlines ‘sell’?
Then: ‘Land of Snake charmers’
Now: ‘oppressed & abused women
These create better reading as opposed to
Then: People that gave us ‘zero’
Now: country with a successful Mangalyam Mission.
No. We are not bad. The commerce of Media makes India out to be so. Sad. But true. Nicely written
In this age of 140 characters or less, the headlines are deemed important. Which headlines ‘sell’?
Then: ‘Land of Snake charmers’
Now: ‘oppressed & abused women
These create better reading as opposed to
Then: People that gave us ‘zero’
Now: country with a successful Mangalyam Mission.
No we are not bad. The commerce of Media makes India out to be so. Sad. But true. Nicely written, Pooja !
Thanks Rakesh uncle… I love your comment… we’re making light of the situation when we say ‘badi badi deshon main choti choti baatein hoti reheti hain’.. it is not choti baat all what’s been happening.. but it should not define us… we’re a lot more than that…. and yet… all that happens… whoare we? what actually defines us? actually.. should we even be defined? that’s a handful to think about
In this age of 140 characters or less, the headlines are deemed important. Which headlines ‘sell’?
Then: ‘Land of Snake charmers’
Now: ‘oppressed & abused women
These create better reading as opposed to
Then: People that gave us ‘zero’
Now: country with a successful Mangalyam Mission.
No we are not bad. The commerce of Media makes India out to be so. Sad. But true. Nicely written.
Hi Pooja! Nice post! Thought provoking indeed! Lets us know that it is the negativity that is propagated much faster than the great things that we have achieved in the past and continue to do even today.
A lack of national pride in the masses is something that is really hurting our nation.
I would have gone on the offensive though against this said woman, instead of being apologetic (but that’s just me)!!!
Jayyy… Thanks for ur comment! Being on the offensive or defensive is a matter of a reaction. The point is that information that is reaching the lady and how she reads it and hence forms an opinion about us. It is true that this global opinion does not matter to a huge chunk of the population but it reAlly hurts people like you and me if we ever plan to say apply for a job abroad. You pointed it out ver correctly that there is a lack of national pride… But how do we address that? How do we make people understand that every action has an equal an opposite reaction? I honestly don’t know….
You know, I never know what to reply to that question too, if someone asks me. I don’t want to get defensive and deny it (coz that ain’t the truth), neither do I ever want to wash my hands off all things that are dark and sad about India. It is our country and it is what it is. It is, and probably has always been a study of contrasts right. But what I feel is because of the burgeoning size, no one is ever able to grasp one story about it. The more dramatic a story, the more it sticks to peoples mind. Girls and guys marry partners of their own free will (or even live in together).. aah, pish tosh who cares.. Girls forced into an arranged marriage and abused for dowry, now that’s something people should do about; or talk about..
Anyways, I am just rambling on.
I don’t know how to control the larger sentiment. I wish I did. I wish there were better icons for us to look up to. I know the right answer is as idealistic as saying it’s about your own individual mindset, so we are all responsible for our thoughts. But does any one really believe that a country of 1 billion people are all capable of being bright, virtuous, righteous, and enterprising?
There are going to be the erroneous few.
PS: I know there is no answer here.. but maybe, teach unto your kids the good practices in life 🙂 Our parents did a mighty good job raising us as progressively as they did, in their time, so we gotta do the same now, methinks.
Very true Shruti… Sex sells.. as simple as that. It is a very narrow outlook with the media who are supposed to be the responsible source of information. (FYI.. I’m not playing the blame game here. However, they’re the ones who get the word out. Mediums, like my blog, have a very limited out reach and I’m not someone famous that my little post of a little incident goes viral). People do need to understand what they do
As you said, we need to do play our part, no matter how small it is, by inculcating good moral practices in our kids.
This is a timely and thought provoking piece! Women like you and me are “empowered” and yet in small ways we do experience the pressures of a patriarchal society. But the reality is the battle for female empowerment and gender equality are universal. Instances of sexual violence and domestic abuse are not exclusive to the Indian society. However what is singularly lacking in our society is empathy and a support system for our women folk and we only falteringly offer them justice. Add to this our large chaotic and highly negative society. I don’t think measures at any one level will help. To rightfully conclude what you’ve written is by starting to ask where our priorities lie and what measures we are willing to take collectively as a society. And not just to shut people up but for our own well-being.
Asides but a tad along the lines..Twinkle Khanna aka MrsFunnyBones take on ‘What it is to be Indian?’
We are an ancient race of optimists who hold our past firmly while we walk into the future. We have nuclear power reactors but still believe in the power of black threads encircling our wrists. We have such strong family bonds that even if someone is going just to the railway station, there will be 11 people, all loaded in a tempo to accompany him and we…
Hahaha!!! I didn’t know Twinkle Khanna could write that well. *New found respect* She’s so right that we pay attention to what we want to, what gives us maximum publicity and something that really doesn’t contest your intellect. A matter of convenience than content.
Loved her one liner – ‘You are so fair that you were thrown out of the Nirma washing powder commercial for being whiter than the washed shirt.’? Hahaha!!
Do you know what the worst part is? At the end of her post there is a disclaimer – Views expressed above are the author’s own. You have to really think about what you write or say especially when it is right.
I think Twinkle Khanna is an awesome writer, and has even awesomer opinions. She writes pieces which are so not fluff, contrary to expectation, and have this brilliant sarcastic message in the end. *new found respect here too*
At least she is using her celebrity status to spread better messages.